I Know You Love
by Lavender and Hay
Summary: Spoilers for series 3. Sister Julienne is going to have to break some news to Shelagh, and Sister Evangelina offers her support. Excercising my pent up Shulienne feels.
1. Chapter 1

**This has been on my mind for a few days now, so I finally got around to writing it. **

"You alright?"

The sound of her Sister's voice startled Julienne out of her reflections. Sister Evangelina stood in the doorway, peering around the door that a moment ago had been left less than halfway open.

She sniffed quietly, swiftly putting the paper she had been holding back into its envelope.

"Yes," she replied, "I'm fine."

"What are you doing just sitting there, then?" Sister Evangelina made her way into the room, closing the door behind herself and sitting down in the chair opposite Julienne, "Come on," she told her, smiling slightly, trying to encourage her, "Out with it."

Julienne smiled a little too, feeling almost as if she was one of her Sister's patients all of a sudden. But, when she spoke again, any sign of a smile soon faded.

"I can't tell you, Sister," she told her firmly, "No, really, I'm afraid I can't. Confidentiality."

"Ah, I see," Sister Evangelina nodded, "But could it have anything to do with the fact that you've been watching that door everyday, like a child waiting for its mother to come home, since Shelagh Turner went to the London for her tests?"

Julienne's mouth fell open a little.

"Have you been reading my letters?" she asked, astonished.

"I'd be a fool if I needed to to be able to tell what's on your mind," Sister Evangelina told her.

There was a silence between them.

"She can't, can she?" Sister Evangelina asked her after a long while.

Sister Julienne shook her head softly.

"No," she whispered at last, "She can't."

"Well," said Sister Evangelina, after a moment, softly, sadly, "It was to be expected. All things considered."

Julienne looked at her.

"_She_'s not expecting it," she told her, a lump rising in her own throat as she said it, "Patrick told her to take the tests, but she's still not expecting that this-... Her heart is going to break."

"Perhaps it's not meant to be," Sister Evangelina told her gently, "We always say the Lord has a reason for everything. Well, I think He's got a reason for this. You know," she continued carefully, "She would never have had children anyway-... if things had been different. If they had been-... the way they were."

"The Lord is _not _judging her," Sister Julienne murmured, almost murderously, pressing her fingertips closely together on the envelope of the letter.

"I didn't say He was," Sister Evangelina told her calmly, "That's not what I meant," she sighed heavily, looking at her Sister's eyes, bleary and fixed on the desk, "Sister, I know you love the girl."

Sister Julienne's head dropped just a fraction, in an air of capitulation. She seemed to have tears in her throat.

There was another silence that seemed to last a long time. She battled for composure.

"I have to tell her," she said at last, "I've got to be the one who tells her."

"You don't have to be," Sister Evangelina told her straight away, "In fact, I think it would be best if you didn't. It'll upset you too much, and that will only upset Shelagh more. I'll do it." 

"No, you don't understand," Julienne told her, "I _have _to tell her. I called the London and told them to send her results to me so that I could tell her."

Sister Evangelina's eyebrows raised distinctly.

"And they let you do that?" she asked, a little incredulously.

"I'm the head of her local ante-natal centre," she replied, "Strictly speaking, she's a patient now. Why shouldn't they?"

Sister Evangelina narrowed her eyes a little. In response, Julienne only smiled sadly.

"Like you, I saw the likely outcome of this," Julienne told her, "After all, her illness will have greatly reduced her chances. I wanted to protect her."

"But how?" Sister Evangelina asked, "That's what I want to know. How does you knowing or even you telling her make any of this easier for her in the long run? As far as I can see, it's just upsetting you!"

"Because-..." Sister Julienne told her, "I can tell her in a way I know it will be easiest for her to hear. And when I have done that," she continued levelly, glad that her voice did not seem to be quivering, "I will be able to tell her as quickly as I can that you don't have to carry your child to love them with all your being. Does that make sense?"

Sister Evangelina nodded slowly. Her eyes were shining.

"Do you think I've done wrong?" Julienne asked her.

"No, Sister," she replied, "I don't think so."

**End.**

**Please review if you have the time.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you so much for your wonderful response yesterday; it made me very happy. **

**Telling Shelagh.**

She felt it like a little explosion of force against her chest. She gasped a little in surprise, but kept it as quiet as she could. She pressed her lips together, making herself keep silent.

She had embraced Shelagh before. When she had left Nonnatus House, and when she had come back to them, huddled quietly in her little make shift bed on the floor. But it had never been quiet like this before-...

Almost running at her, Shelagh's little body collided with hers with almost enough force to knock her backwards. And Julienne caught her, she could do nothing else.

_Shelagh listened carefully while Julienne told her what the letter had said. Her expression was difficult to read, her jaw clenched firmly, her eyes towards the floor. _

_Julienne put down the paper on the desk beside where she stood._

"_Shelagh, darling," she told her, the term slipping out before she had the time to think, "Say something."_

Shelagh's head was buried against her shoulder, her face pressed against her habit, so that the blue fabric muffled the sound of a strangled howl that issued from her throat. Julienne closed her eyes. Her hands wrapped tightly around Shelagh's back.

"_What is there to say?" Shelagh asked hollowly, her voice very small indeed, her eyes not meeting Julienne's. _

Her hand raised to Shelagh's head, cradling her gently to her, pressing her fingers into her soft hair.

"_There is everything to say. This is not the end."_

_Shelagh sniffed harshly. Incredulity mirrored her every tiny move. _

Shelagh's erratic breathing was easing a little, though her breaths still sounded tears. Julienne's hands did not relent in the slightest. She stayed, holding.

"_There is everything to say," Julienne told her again, "This is only the start. Shelagh-...Love-..."_

Tilting her head a little, her lips tenderly rested against Shelagh's forehead for a second and she kissed her.

"Darling-... Shelagh-..."

"_I love you," she said out loud, boldly, for the first time she could remember in years, her heart in her throat, "There can be a love that does not come from birth. I promise you."_

_Shelagh was looking at her now. And Julienne's own eyes fell to the floor. She felt unusually unguarded. It was not really part of a nun's life, laying her heart on the line. _

_And the next thing she knew, Shelagh's arms were around her and she was embracing her. She wanted to cry in relief but she didn't. It didn't matter that Shelagh could not speak to reply. She knew, she knew. _

"I'm not saying that everything will be alright," Julienne told her softly, "In fact for a long time things may feel very wrong. But they will come good in the end, I believe."

Shelagh's arms were clasped tightly around her waist, immovably so. And she had no wish to move her.

"Every prayer I have, I will send your way," she told her quietly, "I promise."


End file.
